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We learn to wear beautiful, glorious masks. We vent to our friends about how so-and-so tried this with us or how we almost flipped over the table at such-and-such meeting. We take deep breaths in the car before we have to face the structural violence awaiting us in the spaces where we have to go, to fight for our people. There is no secret to coping, necessarily. But as I’ve often said, when you are doing what’s right, you will stand alone (at least initially). The cost of standing alone is expensive beyond imagination. We tell about the victories, but not the vulnerabilities. I am often asked by younger activists how I have survived so long. Movement administrators in particular - those of us who coordinate the meetings, host the events, and set up the conference calls - burn through our emotional bandwidth relatively quickly. We give so much that we nearly shatter ourselves into pieces trying to hold everyone else together.
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I hope that my own transition will be intentional and rooted in love, but I do recognize that idea is ambitious considering the work I do.
![older black gay men older black gay men](https://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Xw9_5ZoWp3w/S-yoN3gj1eI/AAAAAAAAByQ/tjuTULOWXuw/s1600/blacksnake-1.jpg)
The less lucky among us are ushered out, so to speak. There’s always a risk of self-destructing. We have to imagine trauma-informed care, otherwise we run the risk of continually wounding each other. This is part of why it’s difficult to sustain black gay men in movement work. Trauma isn’t just passed down through biological families, but also through communities and movements. No one comes away from this work without collecting some scars. Even I would be lying to say I haven’t internalized this at times. Honestly, it takes a toll, even with the most resilient among us. I’ve spent so much time convincing black gay men they should love themselves, and I have absorbed so many “black men ain’t shit” stories. Elders haze you.ĭespising yourself can be an occupational hazard. You are not always greeted into the work with open arms. Your own vulnerabilities become so much more pronounced. To work with black gay men is to constantly confront your own reflection. It’s wonderful, but it can be painful too. I used to watch them kissin and carryin on. The lifespan of movement work for black gay men is relatively short. And whenever they went on a date I had to go to chaperone them. The path from young activist to veteran is a hero’s journey. For me, this suggests the necessity for older black gay men to put pen to paper and share their stories. This study explored racial and sexual identity in older Black gay men to understand their impact on mental health and wellbeing. I carry their stories with me, but their blueprints don’t offer much insight about being a black gay man in his 40s, 50s, or 60s. Most of the black gay men I admired died long before they reached the age I am now. Looking for role models beyond my generation is also a difficult exercise. While one-half of gay Asian, Hispanic, and White men in their forties or older prefer younger partners, only 15 percent of gay Black men request younger. Since so many of the black gay men I entered the movement with are no longer connected, I have recently felt a bit isolated. I suppose the more accurate description is that my activism has been my work, comprised not of a linear progression punctuated by milestones and promotions, but by projects and campaigns. I find myself in a singular place, the position of being a black gay activist at mid-career - if one can view “black gay activism” as a career. Now, as I approach my late 30s, I can appreciate the uniqueness of my path and experience, but also grieve the absence of those I once looked to as comrades and coconspirators. These 50-plus power players, from Laverne Cox to the cast of Queer Eye, each make a unique contribution - and share here where they first felt seen by Hollywood and what work still needs to be done to achieve equitable representation.It’s strange to think about, but when I was younger there were many more models I could define myself against. Thanks to the showrunners driving authentic stories, filmmakers bucking decades-old heteronormative paradigms, actors emboldened to live more honestly and platforms bankrolling so much of it, being gay, queer, transgender or any other other has never been more widely embraced in the entertainment industry.įor its inaugural Pride issue, The Hollywood Reporter homed in on the talent and makers helping boost visibility and creating opportunities for members of the extended LGBTQ community. LGBTQ representation in Hollywood is at an all-time high.